I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
