So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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