The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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