Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
