I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
