my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
