the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
