That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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