i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
