Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
