my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
