turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
