By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
