All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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