i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
