He kissed a someone with a penis
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
