i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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