i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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