Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
