And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize