I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
im calling her cock vulture from now on
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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