Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
