Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
