i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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