problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
