Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
