69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
