Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
This is not my ceiling
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize