I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
soo... how was my night?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize