if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Did I show you my penis last night?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
