So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
