I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
