No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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