I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Pappa wants mamma naked
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize