No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
