It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
