note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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