You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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