I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
