Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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