I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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