Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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