bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
