You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
