what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize