hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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