The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
