i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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