It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize