Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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