My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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