Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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