peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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