i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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