Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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