guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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