You're my little dorito
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
