i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
