you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
