he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
