you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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