Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think my moral compass just broke
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