Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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