Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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