Cold hands, warm shart.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
