Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
