Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
