im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
