if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
