Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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