i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
