You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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