May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
